The next step in my work with Fenrir is hard to explain. Not the actual spirit-work, but how I got to this point with it. There's a ton of personal stuff that went on that I'd rather not put into specific words, but that I've alluded to in previous posts, and it all happened toward the end of last summer. That's a huge time gap from the last time that I'd dealt with Fenrir directly, and there's a reason for that....
Remember the concept of the Scourge; that was the major roadblock that I encountered, and one that I had to deal with in order to sort it all out. I spent the time between then and now working with the Scourge under the mistaken impression that the approach I was taking was beneficial. It was anything but beneficial, however; working with my Scourge rather than working through my Scourge was one of my greatest meditative errors, and one that cost me quite a bit of time where I could have been legitimately happy with my life rather than dwelling on the things that made me miserable.
Long story short, my Scourge led me astray from where my focus should have been, and I reached a breaking point that made me see the Scourge for what it was. Short recap version, the Scourge was the representation of all of my self-loathing and my inability to communicate my emotions properly. Working with it only made matters more difficult, where working through it would have led me to be a more open person (among other things, which again, I'd rather not get into). That Scourge was born from a particularly dark part of my mind, and something that had done more harm than good. I decided that enough was enough, and that it had to go. Enter the Bound One
I managed to get in a decent meditation without the Scourge involved, and reached the prison-cave once again. Fenrir-as-Wolf was present, and I fell to my knees in my mind, asking a thousand questions and hoping for all of the answers, but I was only given one: "The Wolf must feed." It felt enigmatic enough at the time, and didn't really make a lot of sense given that none of the questions I had should have been answered like that, but with a little mental effort, it started coming together.
Fenrir is fated to devour everything in his path, every obstacle, until he meets the All-Father at Ragnarok. Something so simple and innocuous as "The Wolf must feed" was easily dismissed as relating to this part of the mythology, until I remembered another aspect of mythology that I'd researched in the past: the concept of the Sin Eater. Now, Sin Eaters aren't a mainstay in any of the cultures that I typically work within, as it's a bit more modern (ie, Christian) in association with European tradition, but the concept interested me. Again, short version recap, the sin eater is someone who ritualistically prepares a meal intended to take on the misdeeds and ill-will of others, and consumes it in a somber manner as part of a cleansing, usually part of a death ritual. I realized fairly quickly what this odd response was suggesting.
Fenrir's response was all the reassurance that I needed. In acknowledging that the Scourge needed to be removed, and understanding that part of the Bound One's role is as a devourer of obstacles, I pieced together a solution. Purging the Scourge isn't as simple as just ignoring it or understanding the issues it represents, there has to be an element of release to it. Fenrir showed me how to prepare myself, told me what I needed to do, and set me on the path to achieve my goal. With the Wolf in my heart, I confronted and consumed my Scourge at the time, and began the road to being an earnest devotee of the Bound One.
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